we made no sense

Just saw Elisha Cuthbert at the grocery store aka Jack Bauer's daughter aka Sean Avery's "sloppy seconds", aka Mike Komisarek's ex, aka Dion Phaneuf's girlfriend! She's really pretty and small!

Being an atheist is fucking hard. I have to deal with the fact that my sister has died and is forever gone. I've tried to believe otherwise but I just can't. I know she has become nothing. She's not reincarnated into a flower and she's not an angel looking after me. She's not going to make me win the lottery if I pray to her. She's just ashes matter, buried with our dad's ashes. It's fucking depressing. I'm not saying I'm better than everyone else for being an atheist. I just think my reality is harder and colder. Sometimes I talk to her out loud, just in case I might be wrong about atheism.

At least she will be alive in my heart and in my head as long as I'm still alive. Gotta make the best out it while I'm still organic matter.

FRIENDS-ONLY from now on.

For those who don't know, my little sister Louise passed away last Tuesday, at the age of 29. My mom, her boyfriend and I miss her terribly. She was by far the toughest, most courageous person I know. She was born a sick child and struggled with health complications all of her life, was in and out of hospitals all of her life. But she never victimized herself. She was never afraid of life.

Sometimes, even when her health didn't permit it, she would get up anyway, take public transport and would go to this center where she did a lot of volunteering. Showing other people, who were even more worse off than her, how to cook delicious food (she was a fabulous cook). She regularly sang in a choir, we shared the same passion for music. She loved movies and had a huge collection of dvds. I have decided to donate them at the place where she volunteered, I think this is what she would have wanted. To help other people have fun and enjoy themselves.

Everyone knew and remembered Louise. Because she was the most excentric, unique, unforgettable person anyone has met. She was SO funny, and naively funny too. I'm not sure she knew how funny and quirky she was. As people tended to forget about me, they NEVER forgot about Louise. And I don't blame anyone, she was after all, the charismatic and sociable, loving sister. She liked to be the sociable one, I liked her that way too.

I'm going to miss her soooooo much. I'm crying but I'm not too sad. I know she's hanging out with my dad now, who passed away when I was 11 and she was 10. My sister loved my dad so much too. My mom and I are glad to know that they are together.